A little crochet

I spent all day watching a Bring It On marathon and crocheting a viking hat (which I need to attach the horns to so I can take a pic).

The kids spent all day outside. Where it went from almost-but-not-quite-uncomfortably-warm to fall weather in less than 12 hours. With one minor injury, one 60 second fit, and 4-6 neighbor kids. It was kind of great.

I feel a bit better. Applied for a few jobs here. Looked for a few in my target area. I'll be okay if I can catch a break here or there. And I will.

See, this is how I usually am. I'm usually optimistic, unworried about the future, confident that things will work out just as they should. That's why when it hits me, the niggling little doubt, the insecurity, it hits me hard, knocks me breathless.

I've come through a lot, survived a lot, too much to think I'm not important enough to keep alive. I just doubt it sometimes. Possibly part of the leftover ingrained insecurity.

Like I told the sister-in-law the other day, I know I'm awesome, amazing, a great catch, a fantastic friend. But that core of me, that part that I was taught from the moment I was coherent, will always sneak up on me and tell me I'm nothing. I just have to get through those moments, back to normal.